Love or Desire?
by NoobsFiction
Summary: A/N: Just change of name because i can't find another pairing to write. Hikari already become Amane's girlfriend. But Yaya still hold a feeling for her. Will Yaya abandoned her feeling? Will Yaya take back what hers? or will Hikari know what a true meaning of Love? One-Shot


**A/N: Hi Guys! three things i must tell you: One-shot, Christmas, and new record of 8.000 words! Merry Christmas, guys! although i don't celebrate Christmas, this is my present for you. The other fanfics (Clannad and Angel Beats) Is on progress. This is my new record of writing first attempt to write one-shot! I'm sorry if this is bad. I hope you enjoy!**

Tale 1

Strawberry Panic: Random Collection

Love or Desire?

* * *

 _Hikari's dorm, Strawberry Dorms, 1 week after the incident_

That day is a sunny day. Sun shone brightly that day. Birds chirped happily in the morning. Konohana Hikari woke up although still quite sleepy. She then saw the bed on her side. Someone who she expected still there already gone.

"Yaya-chan woke earlier than me again. Is there something on her mind?" Hikari asked herself. It's true since a week ago, her roommate and her best friend, Nanto Yaya seems to change. Usually Hikari will wake up earlier or if Yaya is earlier than Hikari, Hikari still can see her in her sleepwear. Recently, when Hikari woke up, Yaya is already prepared to go to cafeteria. And today, Yaya's already gone when she woke up. Suspicion grows inside her, but she still looked at the bright side.

"Maybe she can wake up earlier now." She reassured herself that Yaya is becoming a better person and this is one of the change "But I still keep my eyes in this."

Then she did her daily morning routine. When she took a bath, she noticed something is off her. Like something demanded to be noticed, needed to be noticed.

"What is this feeling?" She asked herself while taking a bath. She grabbed her chest and felt her heart.

"It's still beating but it's like it lose something," She said to herself "Maybe It's just temporary." She said to herself and then finished her bath. She then wore her uniform and walked to Cafeteria.

* * *

 _Cafeteria_

Hikari then arrived at the Cafeteria. Even though it's morning, it's quite crowded. There, she saw Aoi Nagisa, Suzumi Tamao , Okuwaka Tsubomi, and Nanto Yaya. First thing she do was of course went to near her friends table.

"Everyone, good morning!" Hikari greeted them.

They looked at her. Nagisa, as usual greeted her first.

"Good morning, Hikari-chan!" Nagisa said and gave a smile. Then followed by everyone.

Hikari saw all of their smiles. She noticed that there is something behind Yaya's smile. And she doesn't like it.

"I will take my food. You guys didn't finish yet, did you?" Hikari asked. Although it seems childish, Hikari enjoy her breakfast time more if there's someone with her, especially Yaya.

"I think all of us still have long way to go before we finished our food." Tamao said.

Hikari just gave back a smile at her. She then went and picked some sandwiches and salad. Then she returned to their table. When she returned, she sat beside Yaya.

"Itadakimasu!" Hikari said and ate her food. Although there are some random conversations between them, Hikari chose to be an observer that day, just listened to them. In her mind, she is thinking about something else.

"Yaya-chan is acting very strange today. I can accept that she woke up earlier today is not like her usual self, but that smile…." Hikari though while eating and then looked at Yaya.

Yaya seems to be spacing out right now. Hikari saw that blank face, which Yaya very rarely show to her unless there is a trouble and she never saw it in public.

"Yaya-chan?" Hikari called her, no answer.

"Yaya-chan?" Hikari called her again a bit louder, still no answer.

"Yaya-chan!" Hikari called her quite forcefully and shook her hand. Yaya finally snapped out from her though.

"What is it, Hikari-chan?" Yaya asked her.

"Are you okay?" Hikari asked her worried.

Yaya answered Hikari a bit later "I'm okay, Hikari-chan." She answered and put that smile again.

"Oh, okay." Hikari said but in her mind, she though "That smile again…."

"Looks like I'm finished. see you guys later." Yaya stood up and then walked away from the cafeteria.

After Yaya left, Tsubomi decided to start another conversation "Did you guys think that Yaya-senpai acting quite strange lately?"

Tamao decided to join in "Yeah. Yaya-san is acting quite strange lately. She seems to become quieter than she usually does. Although I just knew Yaya-san not too long ago, what I know is she usually the one who always start the conversation."

"Maybe something's happened to Yaya-chan?" Nagisa commented.

While the girls are talking, Hikari have her own though about Yaya "She just showed that smile again. But there is something behind it." Hikari though and now her body worked automatically and her consciousness is in her mind "It didn't have any of Yaya-chan's personality I know. I think it's just a fake smile. What are you hiding behind that, Yaya chan? Sadness? Fear? Acceptance? What's wrong with you, Yaya-chan?" Hikari asked herself. Then, that feeling emerged again from her heart "It's…..appeared again…that feeling…What is this feeling? What is the cause of them? Why am I feeling this!? Why am I so confused!?"Hikari though so hard that she didn't noticed that her friends looked at her strangely.

"Uh..Hikari-senpai?" Tsubomi asked her with a confused face. That's make Hikari blushed out of embarrassment.

"What is it, Tsubomi-chan?" Hikari asked while blushing.

"We're talking about Yaya-chan right now. What do you think happened to her?" Nagisa asked her.

Hikari just let out a small smile and said " I think she's just not in mood. You know Yaya-chan is quite unpredictable right?" She said and everyone buy it by nodding with understanding.

but in her mind she already prepared a plan " I will investigate this alone. She is my best friend! Why she didn't tell me if something happened?" Hikari though, already planning it.

* * *

 _The Saintly Chorus, After school, rehearsal time_

After school finished, as usual, Hikari came to The Saintly Chorus for rehearsal. Again, today's rehearsal is missing something. Although still not organized, Hikari know who isn't there right now.

"Hm….." Hikari wandered around, looking for that person "Where is Yaya-chan? I didn't see her in the school today. She sometimes skipped classes, but she never skipped rehearsal this long. This is really bad." Hikari though. Her suspicion is now beyond acceptable "Something's definitely happened to Yaya-chan. I have to looked for her today." Hikari though.

Then, one of the choir members came in and announced to them "Guys, today's rehearsal has been cancelled because our leader is sick today. I repeat, Today's rehearsal has been cancelled because our leader is sick today. All of you are allowed to go."

When the members went back to their dorms, Hikari is thinking about Yaya "She's hiding something from us all. Does she have personal problem? School problem? Illness? It must be on those line." Hikari though and not realizing that she's already outside of horse-riding training area. She sat under a tree. Usually, she comes there to meet her crush, Prince of Spica, Ootori Amane. But today, her mind is preoccupied by her thoughts about Yaya. She's so deep in her though that she didn't notice that Amane is calling her. Usually Hikari is the one who called her.

"Hikari-chan?" Amane called her, no respond. So, Amane get off from her horse and walked past the fence.

"Hikari-chan?" Amane said and grabbed her shoulder. Hikari immediately shook her head and looked for the source of the hand.

"Amane-senpai." Hikari greeted weakly and with equally weak smile. Usually, Hikari will respond to her as fast as she can and blushed.

"Something's wrong, Hikari-chan?" Amane asked her.

"Nothing, Amane-senpai, just…..a little problem…." Hikari said and trailed off at the end.

"Something about Nanto-san?" Amane asked.

"Uh…yeah….." Hikari murmured but Amane can hear her.

"Did something happen to Nanto-san?" Amane asked.

Hikari sighed in defeat and told her "Yaya-chan seems to change from last week. She started to woke up earlier. That I can accept, but today, she's acting very strangely. She ate quietly at breakfast time, she skipped her classes, even skipped rehearsals. And….." Hikari trailed off.

"And?" Amane asked her, wondered about the last part.

She grabbed her chest again and said "Ever since then, whenever I thinking about Yaya-chan, I feel something in my heart. It's like it wanted to be noticed. It needed to be noticed. It's missing something important. It's….blank. And that feeling hurt me like when I see Yaya-chan's like that." Hikari said now her eyes are tearing.

"I think you missed three things." Amane said while smiling in understanding.

"What is it, Amane-senpai?" Hikari asked almost pleaded.

"First, I think you lack of self-confidence. If you think that what you do was right, you must give all of you to finish that. If you think there's something happened to Nanto-san, you must keep trying. If Nanto-san keep rejecting you by saying she's fine but still act like this, be more assertive." Amane said.

"You mean pushed her a little harder?" Hikari asked.

"Yeah. But, if she's not on conversation mood anymore or you pushed too hard, there's also a time you must stop and looked for another time. If you push Nanto-san too hard, She might get angry or she-" Amane was cut off by Hikari, a thing that Hikari never did before.

"Please don't say that!" Hikari said and tears started to drop from her eyes.

"Sorry, might go a little too far in that." Amane apologized to Hikari "and the second is understanding."

"Understanding?" Hikari asked while wiping up her tears.

"Yes, understanding. If you know she has some problems, you need to know why she has that problem. And you as her best friend might can help, right?" Amane said.

"Of course! She's my best friend and she always helped me when I was in trouble." Hikari said, now starting a new plan.

"And the third one is….." Amane trailed out.

"Is?" Hikari asked.

"Find yourself." Amane said while stood up and walked away.

"Wait, Amane-senpai! What do you mean by find yourself?" Hikari asked, definitely didn't catch the meaning.

"When you stuck on a problem, start from the basic. See inside yourself. Are you right? Or are you wrong? You might find your answers." Amane said, gave a little smile, and then returned to the training ground.

"Um…..Thank you, Amane-senpai!" Hikari said and waved her hand. Then Hikari proceeded to her dorm.

* * *

From far away outside of the forest near the lake, a certain raven-haired girl saw them. She's brewed in jealousy. Her jealousy towards Amane is very big, to the point that if she's thinking about her or talking to herself about her, she doesn't bother to not use any honorific.

"Amane is so lucky to have a girl like that." Yaya said while staring at the sky. She tried to suppress her jealousy "If only she's mine…" Yaya said weakly and her jealousy turned to sadness and guilt.

"Hikari…" Yaya said to herself. She has been deep in sadness and guiltiness since last week incident.

"Hikari….if only you understand…" Yaya said remembered last week incident. When Yaya wondered around Strawberry Dorms to kill time, she heard a certain girl screamed from the rooms nearby. She dashed to the source of the voice and opened the door. There, she saw Hikari pinned down by Kaname. From their position, Yaya already know that Hikari almost being raped by Kaname **(A/N: lol idk, it seems to be raping for me though)**. After that incident, Yaya tried to make Hikari to stay. But, Hikari remembered her date with Amane, excuse herself and ran away to the train station, leaving Yaya alone. She started to sobbed and went back to her room, uninterested in anything anymore. But her though is more focused to an incident after that.

"Hikari….If only you know…." Now she remembered about the incident after Hikari's date. When Hikari came back from her date, Yaya's feel a wave of happiness hit her. But it's mixed with another thing: Desire. When Hikari showed her a purple shell as a gift to her, her sense of logic is clouded by her desire. Her body immediately took an action. She did a thing that they both didn't expect to happened.

Yaya kissed Hikari.

That kiss is the last effort of her desperation to make Hikari noticed, know, and hopefully returned back her feelings. That feeling cannot be bottled anymore. But then, Yaya did a mistake. A very, very bad mistake. Yaya grabbed Hikari's chest.

Hikari, who was on the state of shock that time snapped back. And there's started Yaya's depression.

Hikari pushed Yaya away. Like a beautiful glass art that dropped to the ground, Yaya's body fell to the ground, and so her heart. But unlike her body who's only fall down with a little impact, her heart shattered to glass powder. Her sense came back to live. And she saw Hikari, standing there with a scared face. To her, that face means game's over. No retry button, no new game, no reset. What she can do is either run away from her or fixed her relationship with Hikari which probably never gonna be the same again.

"Although I choose to run away…..I'm still confused…" Yaya said while sobbed.

"HOW CAN I GET RID OF MY LOVE TO YOU?!" Yaya shouted flushing out all of her emotions then cried really hard.

"Hikari…I love you…I really love you…..but for your sake….I will try…Let's just be a friend….." Yaya said to herself. Reassuring herself, she wiped her tears and walked back to her room.

Unknown to her, in her very own room, the person that she's talking about is thinking about her. And it's very surprising that Hikari's thought is different from what Yaya expected.

"Let see…..This started around a week ago…." Hikari though about what happened last week. Then she remembered there are 2 incidents.

"There are 2 incidents…first, before the date…" Hikari though and tried to remember that incident. After quite a while she though "No, that's not it. She just helped me because of my conditions, right?" She had a moment of doubt there "I-Is she actually care that much about me? No way…right?" She though. Then, that feeling appeared again, Hikari decided to think about that later.

"Second one is after the date….." Hikari though again and tried to remember that incident. Then her face blushed really red "S-S-She kissed me! She stole my first kiss! And after that….." Then she remembered that Yaya did something to her. And now the feeling that Hikari decided to think later become bigger to the level that she feels it very strong. She decided to cover it up "W-Why did she kiss me? Did she feel hurt when I push her? Or is it guiltiness? I just feel shocked that time. Does she think that I hate her? I already forgave you since last week! Why are you like this, Yaya-chan? What are this feeling? Why you make me so confused?" Hikari though very hard. She then decided to think all of her questions later and came with a conclusion "Alright, to the conclusion. She might think that I didn't forgive her. I know what to do. Rest of the questions can be answered later." She though and let out a sigh "Let's do this."

Only around 10 seconds after she came to her conclusion, her target came to the room. Yaya opened her room. Like deer in the headlight, they both surprised to see their target's there. Then, the aura of awkwardness started to appear.

"Damn, what do I do?" They both asked themselves. Hikari decided to started first.

"Um….Yaya-chan, can I talk to you? I have to tell you something." Hikari asked Yaya.

Yaya who decided to try to fix their friendship, accepted it "Uh…Okay. Where do you want to talk?"

"Right here." Hikari said and give a gesture to Yaya to sit beside her. Yaya then took a seat beside her.

"Alright, here I go." Hikari though to herself then started to talk "I wanted to talk about last week."

Then it's hit Yaya like a train. She already though of the worst "S-She hate me! She wanted to say that she hated me and never want to meet me again! I'm sorry, Hikari! Please don't say you hate me!" She though and she started to sobbed.

Hikari who saw Yaya's like that, feel guilty to saw Yaya acted like that "Yaya-chan look so miserable. I…can't stand it….But…..i mustn't cry…..this time" Hikari though and tried to hold back her tears "Yaya-chan, what's wrong?"

"You…Hate me, don't you? You want me to move out from here, right? Don't worry, I will move out tomorrow." Yaya said frantically. The last thing she wanted to hear is Hikari saying "I hate you!" to herself.

"No, Yaya-chan, you're wrong!" Hikari said desperately.

"E…..Eh?...Why…after all of this?" Yaya said while tried to stop crying, surprised by Hikari's statement.

"Please don't think I hate you, Yaya-chan!" Hikari said, clearly holding back her tears "I already forgive you, Yaya-chan! I'm just shocked so I pushed you. I'm sorry if I pushed you too hard, but please, don't ever think that I hate you!"

"You…You still want me to be your friend, Hikari?" Yaya asked her. Her tears already stopped.

Then Hikari gave a happy smile to her "Of course I do!" Hikari then embraced Yaya.

Yaya, surprised by this, can only brushed Hikari's hair and said "Thank you, Hikari. Let's be a friend." But in her mind she said to herself "Yeah, just a friend. Nothing more."

Then they stayed like there for around a few minutes, until Hikari said "Yaya-chan, it's almost dinner time. Want to go with me?"

Yaya then answered quickly "Sure. Do you feel lonely if I'm not there?" Yaya teased her.

"Y-Yaya-chan!" Hikari said while blushed. It's been a week since Yaya teased her last time.

"Hahaha, now, let's go." Yaya said and stood up. Then they left their room with Hikari following on behind.

"Finally, Yaya-chan want to talk to me again! I hope this goes well." Hikari though. She though that maybe they can be friends again like before.

* * *

Like before.

That's what she though.

After around 2 weeks that they became friends again, problems started to reemerged again. Yaya tried to catch up with subjects she missed in school. Although Yaya is the one who tried to catch up, She's the one who get irritated. As bad as it's sound to her, Hikari usually left her to meet Amane, leaving Yaya alone. Each day make her jealousy grow. Yaya started to skipped her class again and wherever she saw Hikari, she tried to avoid her. Around 3 weeks after they became friends again, Yaya broke down again in the same spot like last time.

"Why Hikari….Why…Why are you so nice to me?...And why you chose her, Hikari?...I want you to be happy but….I love you too much, Hikari…I can't stand it…Just to be your friend…Why Hikari….WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!"

On the other side, Hikari first though that her friendship with Yaya already back to normal. But seeing Yaya acted like that make her more concerned than she ever been before. Her questions that she wanted to keep in her mind appeared again, even increasing. Every time she think about Yaya, that feeling appeared again and she started to blush. Not even though about Amane can make her stop thinking about Yaya. Now not only she's concerned about her bad moments with Yaya, now she also feel happy when she think about their happy moments. It's so overwhelming that Hikari feel very confused.

"Why I always think about you, Yaya-chan? Even if we're friends, I always think about you. Even Amane-senpai can't make me think about her like this. What is this feeling? Why when I think about you, this feeling always appeared? Why don't you tell me your heart content? Am I a bad friend to you?...No, please, don't ever say that you hate me! I can't be without you! Please, Yaya-chan, Answer me! I need you to answer me! But on top of that, Why you kissed me!?"

Hikari though and realizing that the question that she wanted most the answer is why Yaya kissed her. She blushed really red. She even tried to object herself.

"W-Wait, Why I'm thinking about o-o-our kiss?! I know that's stupid, i-I really only want to know why she kissed me...Although the kiss is not bad at all….Wait! What am I thinking?! Alright, forget about that!" She though to herself. When she walked on the hallway of Strawberry Dorm. she's not paying ANY attention because when she tried to focus, her mind is always thinking either about Yaya or about that kiss. (surprisingly, she didn't get hit with anything and she seems to know where she's going) and because of that, on the way to training ground, she crashed to a certain raven haired girl.

"Raven hair, St. Lulim student, two red bows in her hair…" She looked at her face "M-Minamoto-sama!?"

"What is it, Konohana-san? Looks like you spaced out." Chikaru Minamoto who appeared from nowhere (Nobody know how she and a certain Etoile do that) said with give her signature smirk.

"Ehh, nothing big." Hikari said panicked then she though "God, what am I talking about?! This is Chikaru Minamoto-sama that we talking about! A psychic student council president that know almost anything not only on St. Lulim but entire Astrea hill!"

Then Chikaru gave her signature smirk with eyes that says "You're mine." And said "Something about Ootori-san or Nanto-san?"

Hikari knew that resisting her is futile **(A/N: Hah, Borg got some credits here)** gave in "*sigh* it's about Yaya-chan….."

Chikaru then asked her still with the same expression "Fufu, your face is readable like a book, Konohana-san. Now, is there something happened between you two? Are you two got into a fight or something?"

"Ah, it's a very long story. I think you have some student council work so you may not have any spare time." Hikari said, half-truth and half-lie to dodge Chikaru.

Chikaru's eyes now soften, now lure her to talk rather than forced her "I think there's only a little of student council work left. I can spare my time for you now."

Hikari knew that Chikaru tried to lure her to talk but accept it anyway because she can't bottled up all her questions and emotions "Ah, alright. Where do you want to talk?"

Chikaru then smiled in victory and happiness because she can help someone and said "Maybe cafeteria will be a nice place in this hour."

"Alright, let's go. You lead." Hikari said.

* * *

Then they walked to the cafeteria, then they took a seat on the corner, near the window.

"Alright, what you want to drink? I will treat you." Hikari said as a thanks to her.

"Hm…..Maybe carbonated drinks is nice." Chikaru said.

Then Hikari went away to get the drinks. After around a few minutes, Hikari's back with a can of carbonated drink and a bottle of sports drink (Yeah, she's so tired from thinking that she accidently bought a sports drink instead of a bottle of water from vending machine).

Chikaru saw that Hikari bought a sports drink laughed "Hahahaha, I never though that a shy and calm person like you buy a sports drink as her usual."

Hikari can only sighed and blushed "That's because….I am thinking about Yaya-chan too much….."

"Fufu, a love problems here? I am happy to take that anytime!" Chikaru though.

"So, Minamoto-sama-" Hikari said and cut off by Chikaru. She puts her finger in front of her mouth as a gesture of silence. Hikari then blushed.

"Please, call me Chikaru." Chikaru said.

"C-C-Chikaru-sama." Hikari tried to say.

"Good girl. Now continue on" Chikaru said while drinking her drinks.

Then Hikari told everything to Chikaru. And of course, their conversation climaxed when Hikari told her about the kiss when Hikari blushed very red and stammered while she talked and Chikaru gave her an evil smirk and teased her. Aside from that, Hikari told her about a week after the incident, Yaya's recent change again, and most importantly, a strange feeling when thinking about Yaya and can't stop thinking about Yaya and the kiss.

"Fufu, that's must be a really nice kiss, isn't it?" Chikaru teased her again.

"Ch-Chikaru-sama!" Hikari snapped, tried to stop Chikaru's tease.

"Alright alright, back to business." Chikaru said and tried to stop laughing "Maybe I can help you."

"Really?" Hikari asked Chikaru full of hope.

"But you must play a "game" with me." Chikaru said with seductive tone to make Hikari misinterpreted.

"W-What do you mean, Chikaru-sama?" Hikari asked her and blushed, definitely fall to her trap and misinterpreted her words.

"Fufu, naughty, aren't you?" Chikaru said with her evil grin.

Hikari can only stay silent while blushed and kept her embarrassment.

"Alright, seriously." Chikaru tried to control the condition "I will ask you questions. You have to answer it in 3 seconds. The key here just answer what first appeared in your mind. I will help you after this."

"Alright. Let's do this." Hikari said and prepared herself.

"Alright, here it comes." Chikaru says like a show announcer.

"Black or blue?" Chikaru asked.

"Blue." Hiikari answered.

"Tall or medium?"

"Um..medium."

"Horse riding or singing?"

"Singing."

"Cool or beauty?"

"Beauty."

"Masculine or feminine?"

"Feminine."

"Long or short?"

"Long."

"Older or same?"

"Same."

"Alright, I get the result. I can help you." Chikaru said "But now, for 2 last questions."

"What is it?" Hikari asked her, really want to know.

"What do you feel if Ootori-san moved to your room?" Chikaru asked.

Then Hikari blushed "I-I will be happy for sure!"

"Now for the last, what do you feel if Nanto-san move out from your room?"

Then immediately, not even in a second, her happy face replaced with sad and begging face, her blush gone, and immediately stood up "Please, don't make her go away! For sake of everything, please don't let that happened!" Hikari said and grabbed Chikaru's hands.

"Calm down, Nanto-san is not going anywhere." Chikaru said calmly "Now I will tell you the result."

"What is it?" Hikari asked again.

"Even if you are with Ootori-san, you might have a crush at Nanto-san." Chikaru said then give her a smile.

"E-Eh? No way!" Hikari said while blushed, not expecting the result.

"Well, did you realize when I asked that questions, your answer is mostly related to Nanto-san? Except the first question when you answered blue?" Chikaru said like a detective.

"Eh?" Then she tried to remember her answer. And when she think about her answer, she mostly remember about Yaya.

"No way. No way I have a crush on her…right?" Hikari started to doubt herself.

"And when I asked the last 2 questions, your reaction is stronger to Nanto-san than Ootori-san, which when I asked about Ootori-san, you feel happy, but when I asked about Nanto-san, your reaction is immediate, even to the point you begged for me so Nanto-san will stay at your dorm."

Then Hikari blushed and though "that's true that i care about Yaya-chan, sometimes even more than Amane-senpai but….a crush on her?" Hikari is on the state of doubt now.

"A-Anyway, thank you, Minamoto-sama." Hikari said.

"Fufu, you are so distracted about Nanto-san that you forgot to call me Chikaru." Chikaru teased her again.

"Chikaru-sama!" Hikari snapped and her blush redden.

"Alright, see you next time." Chikaru said and left a confused Hikari in the cafeteria.

Hikari still sat there, doubt herself and Chikaru about that statement. She decided to shrugged it off. But every time she tried, that topic always come out. If not that, her mind also occupied by thought about Yaya.

"Ah, Yaya-chan, why you make me like this? I know I'm your friend and I'm supposed to be helping you in time like this, but you never did this to me. What is this feeling, Yaya-chan?...Maybe I'm really have a crush on you? I have to answer this questions later."

Then Hikari, feels like the burden in her mind's already gone and found some directions to her problems, decided that tonight, she gonna try to finish her problems with Yaya and hopefully really returned their relationship like before.

And like before, not paying any attention to her destination, she arrived in front of her dorm's room. She opened the door and there she found Yaya sitting on her bed. She's staring the wall, or more precisely spacing out with her eyes staring on the wall.

"Yaya-chan?" Hikari asked her friends who didn't move an inch.

"…..AH! Hikari, you startled me!" Yaya said surprised.

"Are you alright?" Hikari asked her, concerned.

"I'm fine, Hikari-chan." Yaya said and give her that fake smile again.

Hikari is now very concerned that Yaya give her that smile again. Then she saw something on Yaya's face that almost made her hear shatter.

"T-Tears…it's look like tear's trail…Did she cry? And why?" Hikari though, now convinced that tonight, She's going to finish her problems.

"Um….do you have time tonight? I want to talk with you. It's been a long time since we went out." Hikari said.

Yaya, seeing this as non-harm action accepted it "Yes, I do have spare time tonight. When and where do you want to talk with me?"

Hikari then think about the place "somewhere wide outside, calming yet serious, beautiful, suited for 2 persons conversation…." Then she find a place "How about near the lake at 8 PM?"

Yaya, surprised why Hikari chose that place twitched a little. That place is like a sanctuary to her. She poured all of her heart content on there. Yaya still think that it's just a normal talk said "O-Okay, if you say so."

Hikari then gave a smile to her "Thank you, Yaya-chan!" Then she got out from her room.

Than Yaya dropped herself to the bed and let out a sigh and said "Personal talk, huh? I hope this is just a normal talk. Even if like that, I hope I can pull this one off."

Hikari, on the other side, went to the training ground not because she want to saw Amane's training, but to build up her confidence and assertiveness.

"I hope this will end today. For our friendship." Hikari though and started to build her assertiveness from the words "for our friendship."

* * *

Then time pass like nothing, after dinner time, the waited moment for them come. Hikari went to the lake earlier, around 7.15 PM because she didn't have anything to do.

After around 30 minutes, the person that Hikari waited for came. Then they sat under the tree near the lake. There Hikari started the conversation.

"Nice weather isn't it, Yaya-chan?" Hikari said as starter.

"Yeah, it's quite cool tonight." Yaya replied.

"Ah, talking like this make me remember the old times." Hikari said and though "An opening."

"Yeah, like the old times." Yaya replied, have a figure where will this conversation going to be.

Then after around a minute of silence, Hikari started the conversation again.

"Alright, it's now or never." Hikari though and said "Yaya-chan, are you really alright? You skipped more classes than you ever did in 3 months."

"Oh, I'm just tired, that's all." Yaya said sheepishly.

"No, I know there's something wrong with you, Yaya-chan." Hikari said not too sternly. Yaya caught back by Hikari's sterness. Never Hikari asked her that seriously "I notice there's something off with you. Even Amane-senpai noticed that. If there's problem, why don't you tell me Yaya-chan? I'm supposed to be your friend!"

Yaya's taken back by Hikari's words, but after hearing that name "The last name I wanted to hear" her mind is full of jealousy and anger. Jealousy because Hikari chose her and anger because she took away HIkari "This feeling….I must suppress it…for Hikari….." She tried to held back her emotions but in her mind replayed all the time when she saw Hikari and Amane together, she failed ultimately.

Yaya clenched her fists and start muttered with angry tone and jealousy contained in it "Don't…..you….dare….say that damned, good for nothing horse-riding man…in front of me….."

Hikari, surprised by Yaya's insults towards Amane, now talk aggressively mixed with anger "Wait, why is Amane-senpai is in this! She does nothing against you!"

Yaya, blinded by jealousy and anger replied "Yes, she does! She played a big part in this! And I hate her for that!"

"And tell me what did she do! And why you insult her like you're better than her!?"

"Yes, I'm definitely better than her! And it's no use if I tell you! You will support that damned person anyway!"

"STOP, YAYA-CHAN, CALM DOWN A BIT! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH HER?!" Hikari yelled that it's echoed.

"NO, I WILL NOT! SHE DID A THING THAT WILL MAKE ME MISERABLE FOR MY WHOLE LIFE! EVEN IF I TELL YOU, IT' GONNA BE A SAME ANYWAY!"

"AND TELL ME, WHAT IT IS!" Hikari said then tried to calm down.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND SHE STOLE YOU AWAY FROM ME!" Yaya said let out all of her heart content and her bottled emotions.

Hikari, didn't expect her answer asked her "What do you mean by that?"

Yaya, finally come back to her sense, can only feel something now: Regret. Regret to made Hikari yell, regret to failed all of her effort, and mostly regret to not letting her best friend happy.

"Yaya, what did you mean by that?" Hikari asked sternly but also worried.

Yaya tried to control the condition, but knowing that everything she do will mean nothing decided to give up. Tears started to flow from her eyes and she tried to say "I….I…"

Hikari is now completely worried about Yaya now "Maybe she said it without intention." She though then try to comforted her "W-Why are you crying, Yaya-chan?"

""I…..I….I'm sorry, Hikari!" that's all Yaya managed to say while crying really hard now and then ran away.

"Y-Yaya-chan!" Hikari said and it's already too late. Yaya's already gone.

After around 10 minutes of spacing out, Hikari decided to went back to her room. There, she saw Yaya already sleeping and her whole body covered by her blanket. She then changed to her sleepwear and lay on her bed. On there, she's still puzzled by the earlier encounter.

"That time, she said that she loves me. I forgive her for her insults, but what did she mean by she loves me? I mean she loves me as best friends, right?...Oh no, don't tell me she's in love with me like I love Amane-senpai! But I love Amane-senpai….do i? but I care about Yaya-chan more than anything! Ah,This is getting complicated!" She though.

Hikari remembered that Amane said when she's stuck in her problem, she must find herself so she started from basic "I'm Hikari. I have a best friend and also a roommate, Yaya-chan. Then I have a crush on someone else, Amane-senpai. And then I go out with Amane-senpai…..Wait, why am I dating her?" Hikari asked herself then remembered her first time when she met Amane "Wait, is that it? She didn't give me anything and I just love her? Is this a healthy relationship? I'm just obsessed by her! That's not love, that is my desire! My selfish desire. When I think about her, I forget about anything even about…Yaya-chan…" Then guilt started to hit her and that feeling also appeared "Yaya-chan, she's my first friend when I'm new here….. She even become my best friend…She invited me to choir which filled my high school life…She helped me to make new friends….she also gave me a chance with Amane-senpai…..Every time I chased my desire with Amane-senpai, she's always with me…..bottling up her emotions….Just give a smile and help me…..got hurt by me when I left her alone….forgot all of her kindness….every time I did that…she just smiled at me…..even if she know that hurt….She still there…..tried to make me happy…..when i…..just hurt her from the inside…little by little…." Hikari said, every moment that she remembered one by one make her guiltier even more and make that feeling even bigger, then she realized something "Is….this feeling what they called love? A feeling to protect each other, a feeling to never leave each other alone, a feeling to make each other happy, a feeling to never hurt each other?"

And to make things worse for her, she heard Yaya's mumbling something in her sleep and her blanket started to move a bit. Hikari realized that she's dreaming or having nightmare. Hikari then walked to her bed. There she heard a soft sound. She opened her blanket and then her heart shattered to pieces when she knew what that sound is. Yaya is crying. Her face looks peaceful but tears started to come out from her eyes. Then she heard what's Yaya mumbling about. Her mumbling makes her shattered heart even more destroyed than before.

"Hikari….please forgive me…All I wanted is you to be happy…..I'm sorry if I'm too selfish…I love you…I really love you….But maybe…I'm not made to be with you…..I'm sorry for all I did to you…I don't stand a chance at all….Hikari…..I realized that we can only be a friend…..I hope you're happy with her….But please…Hikari….forgive me…." And so on. Hikari taken back by Yaya's words fall to her bed. Every words that Yaya mumbled one by one feels like a needle stabbing her heart and each word make her realized how much Yaya loves her.

"I'm such a bad friend….I love her but my desire always on top of me…I'm too selfish to only fulfill my desire…..I'm too dense because I never felt what Yaya-chan always did to me is she…try to make me happy and also notice her affection to me…She even begged forgiveness from me…She valued our relationship more than anything….But I just…." Tears started to flow from Hikari's eyes. Guilt, sadness, self-disappointment mixed in her tears.

"I'm sorry, Yaya-chan….I'm sorry for everything…I'm too selfish…..I'm too dense….I never looked at you…I always left you alone…I always broke your heart….." Then she cried herself to her sleep. Before she fell asleep she said something that she just realized.

"I love you too, Yaya-chan."

* * *

On the next day, Hikari woke up and saw that Yaya isn't there.

"*sigh* She woke up earlier than me again." Hikari said to herself. she did her morning daily and went to the cafeteria.

In the cafeteria, she met her friends again. And there's Yaya, sat quietly and just focused on her food again. She ate her food and immediately left, not even give a chance for Hikari to greeted her. It's hit Hikari like a train. She felt a sharp pain in her chest.

"Is…..Is this what it feels like when you are so distant by the one you loved?" Hikari though. Although she ever felt to be distant with Yaya, it's never been this hurt before. Immediately she feels like all of her energy has been drained from her. She then just picked her food and then eat quietly.

"I know it's hurt, but it never been this hurt before…..Why, Yaya-chan? Why you get away from me? I know you are angry to me, but why are you so distant to me? Why are you…..so close yet so far?" Hikari though while eating. It's like there are nobody in this world. She is on her own world. She's only thinking about Yaya who slowly drift away from her life.

This happened whole day. In the class, in the choir, in the lunch time, Yaya just didn't say anything to her, even have an impression that she ignored her. Each time she did that, Hikari feels like world started to move slower and slower, her body feels like eaten from the inside by her feeling and emotion, and her mind started to play a scenario where Yaya left Hikari alone for what she did, and each time that happen, Hikari feels like she can cry and collapse anytime.

Hikari, who is surprisingly conscious this time, went to the training ground. There, something unusual happened. Amane is waiting for her.

"Hikari-chan, we need to talk." Amane said casually but have a hint of sterness to it.

Hikari just nodded weakly. Then they sat under a tree.

"Hikari-chan, please don't freak out or do anything crazy after this." Amane said.

"Hmm?...What do you mean, Amane-senpai?" Hikari said, still blank.

"Alright, Hikari-chan, this is hard to say but….what I felt for you isn't love." Amane said.

"Huh? What do you mean, Amane-senpai?" Hikari said like before. But slowly, she started to understand her words.

"I…..I just realized that It's just an infatuation that I felt to you. I afraid if we continue this, it's not gonna be a good relationship." Amane said.

"Is…that mean that we're through?" Hikari said started to break down inside.

"Y-Yeah, I'm sorry to do this to you. I'm sure that there is a person who really love and care about you." Amane said then stood up.

"T-Thank you, Amane-senpai to be honest to me." Hikari said and started to walk back to her dorm.

"*Sigh*I hope I did something right. I just want her to be happy." Amane though and started her training again.

Back to the dorm, Hikari cried really hard. Heartbroken twice, she felt like world just end and she is the only one who survived, surrounded by her dead friends. She felt like she's nothing anymore. She doesn't have anything anymore.

"Why god…..Why you did this to me….If Yaya-chan is slowly drift away from me…..Why also must Amane-senpai?…..Is this what I get…because I'm a bad friend…and also a selfish person?..." Hikari though. Now she felt like her heart have a massive void inside it. And that void yearns for something. It yearns for love.

* * *

Three days after that, Hikari is now completely blank. She did anything automatically. She always has that same blank face. No smile and happy face like Hikari her friends know. Gone that cheerful, supportive personality of her. She's now a quiet person. Her eyes are now can't be read, her tone sounds flat, and when she's with her friends, she's only an observer now.

Yaya, saw what Hikari did started to feel very concerned. She's oblivious to the fact that Amane broke up with Hikari.

"Hikari…What's happened to her? A few days ago, she still had the sad expression in her face. But now, she seems to be blank…..no live in her eyes. Hell, reading her eyes is now very hard…Am I missing something here?" Yaya though.

After the school is done, Yaya attempted to tail her from behind. When she picked up her bag, a letter fell from under her table. Then she read the letter.

"From: Ootori Amane….Amane…Wait, why Amane sent me this letter?" Yaya wondered then opened the letter.

"Dear Nanto-san,

In this letter, I want to tell you something really important.

I broke up with Hikari-chan.

I just realized that what I felt is only an infatuation. I'm really disappointed to myself. I also noticed that Hikari actually love you, not me. Almost every day in this month, she asked me how to fixed her relationship with you. She truly care about you. After the day I broke up with her, I saw her completely blank. So here's my request to you: Take care of Hikari-chan. She's really broke down right now. And as her friend, I'm worried to see her like that.

I hope you understand this letter. If you still love her, you will follow my words.

Ootori Amane."

"Amane…..that person….why did she do something dumb like this?" Yaya though now very angry. Before anger took over her, Yaya remembered that she's supposed to help Hikari now. Her anger turned to worry and she started to look for Hikari. She looked at the cafeteria, her room, near the lake, near the training ground, and near the Virgin Mary's statue **(A/N: It is the statue name, right? I am not a Christian).** Then she started to think where Hikari possibly can be now. Then that place appeared in her mind. On the back of the church, when they first met. She immediately rushed there.

* * *

Yaya arrived to the back of the church. She find out that Hikari is staring at the sky and talked to herself.

"Ah…Why my life is so miserable?...maybe because what I did…..yeah, I deserved it…." Hikari said to herself.

"Hikari-chan?" Yaya asked worried about Hikari.

Hikari then looked at her then said "Ah, Yaya-chan….You hate me right?...After what I did to you…..You hate me right?...I love you…..But maybe I don't deserve you….After what I did to you….You are right to stay away from me…..leaving me alone….Just like I always did to you…"

Yaya heard what Hikari said, started to cry in disappointment because what she did, anger because why Hikari thinks like that, sadness because Hikari felt like that. Yaya then ran toward Hikari and hugged her.

"Why Hikari….Why you think like that about yourself?" Yaya asked her while crying.

Hikari started to regain her emotion, but what came out is only sadness and guilt "Because I deserved it…Because I'm too selfish…Because I'm too dense…..Because I always hurt you…..Because I never looked at you…because I always threw away your love….because I always left you alone…..this is what I got for that…you don't need to be sad…."

"HIKARI!" Yaya yelled at her "DON'T EVER THINK LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU! I CARE ABOUT YOU! I DID THAT BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY! AND DON'T EVER SAID THAT I HATE YOU! SEEING YOU LIKE THIS ALSO MAKE ME SAD!" she yelled and tears started to flow fast from her eyes.

"No way.. I don't deserve-" Hikari wanted to say something but she cut off by something that surprised her in every way. Yaya kissed her. Although it's just a few seconds, it's feels like eternity to them.

"Is that answer all of your questions, Hikari-chan?" Yaya asked her.

Tears started to flow from Hikari's eyes. She then embraced Yaya "I….I'm sorry, Yaya-chan! Please don't leave me alone! My heart is always empty without you! I don't know what to do without you! My heart yearns for your love! I love you, Yaya-chan! Please stay with me!"

Yaya then hugged her back and said "I will never leave you. Even after all you did to me, I always care about you. I will always try to be your guide. I will always there for you. I did this because I love you too, Hikari-chan. No matter hard I try to forget about you, you always came to my mind and fulfilled my day."

"I love you too, Yaya-chan." Hikari said then she kissed Yaya, much to her surprise. They kissed for about a minute. Then tears started to flow again from their eyes. Not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness. After they stayed in each other hug for a while, they then started to talk again.

"Where do you want to go, Yaya-chan?" Hikari asked her now girlfriend happily and grabbed her hand.

"Wherever as long as I'm with you, my angel." Yaya said then they started to walked away with their hands intertwined.

"Thank you, God for all of this. I swear I will stay with her until fate take us apart." They both though and started to walked away to face the world together.

-FIN-


End file.
